Livin' on a Prayer

This entry is quite different from the previous one that addressed a Bravo reality show and Paris Hilton, but what can I say? I'm a multi-faceted person and there are times when I feel like addressing different parts of my life. This one begged to be addressed.

My women's small group at church is going through a booklet "Lessons on Assurance", which started with us being able to be assured of our salvation and this week it was the assurance of answered prayer. Each week is accompanied by a verse that we are supposed to memorize. We don't get an 'F' in Christianity if we don't memorize it, but scripture memorization is often a way for us to store up truth so we can live it and remember that truth particularly during times of struggle.

The verse is John 16:24 and reads, "Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." (NIV)

I've been a Christian since I was young and have always believed in the power of prayer. But it did not strike me that God was really trying to speak to me about it this week until I went to a home prayer meeting on Tuesday. A friend is leaving today for Tanzania, where he will help lead a small team of students from the Pasadena high school where he teaches and they will partner with an organization there to help bring resources and growth to the community. We gathered to pray specifically for him, though we were also open to praying for others if we felt lead.

As musical worship began and we sang together--some eyes open, others closed--I tried to shut out the world. I sang. We all sang. We actually all sounded and harmonized pretty well considering it was a random gathering of people for prayer, not a choir rehearsal.

When we began praying for our friend James, everyone had a different perspective or vision to bring. It was refreshing and amazing. Some prayed for safety, others prayed for change in Tanzania, some prayed that James would not feel he had to be strong for the whole team. As my friend, Joy, who sat next to me, quietly prayed in tongues and later shared a vision she had and other visions came, while sounds of "M-hm" and "Yes" confirmed the prayers we heard, it made me realize that it had been a while since I'd been in such an open, liberating prayer environment. Now for anyone reading this and thinking, "Praying in tongues and visions?" I can only say that Christians, like members of other faiths or even artists, express themselves differently and I see nothing wrong with it, but some feel uncomfortable around it and that is also understandable if they've had a different upbringing. But that's a whole other issue and not what I intend to address.

What I was most overcome by was just the feeling of love. The love that we all had for James because we all love God so much and received God's love. The confidence people had while they spoke that God would do amazing things in Tanzania, through James, his team and others. That expectations would be far exceeded and he would come back changed.

The combination of all of us submitting to God, hearing from God, pouring out our thoughts, visions and love reminded me somewhat of my time in Youth With a Mission, a Christian missions organization I spent 7 months with 6 years ago. I talked about this with a current YWAMer who helped lead worship at the Tuesday prayer meeting. In YWAM it was normal for people to cry, speak in tongues, lay on the floor or do whatever else they were lead to during prayer or musical worship. I may have become used to it over those months and immune or possibly overloaded by it from years at a Christian university where I had mandatory chapel three times a week, but this was a refreshing call back. It was by choice and it was with people I usually know in the context of social events but I was so blessed to know them in this setting. Their unique hearts, gifts and words played an irreplaceable role and reminded me how deliberate God is about crafting us. We are all so delightfully different. I may sound like a cheesy Hallmark card, but Tuesday's encounter moved me to genuinely feel this way.

For the first time in a while I felt I could say almost anything, put my hand in the air, cry, and no one would judge me. I don't normally feel judged when I pray in church, but I may get distracted and don't feel like letting completely loose in a large room full of people, some of whom I know, some of whom are strangers. The Tuesday prayer night was a safe place. A safe place for my heart, my words, my actions, etc. I worry sometimes that if I hold my hand up as I pray or say certain things that people may feel I am trying to look holy but I just let that thought go every time it came up. I ultimately know my heart and motivations, and even more so does God. As more people prayed and I felt how connected we were to God, individually and as a group, my eyes began to well up with tears. God's presence was overwhelming.

Someone read Isaiah 61:1:, "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to captives and freedom to prisoners." I felt how true that was, not only for James as he goes abroad, but because of how broken and afflicted I was and am. God came for all of me, all of my broken pieces, so we can acknowledge them together, not so I can try on my own to quickly make a "complete" puzzle of what I think He and the world want to see.

Then someone else felt a word from God for someone in the room. She sensed God wanting to let someone know that He truly loves them. This is something I have struggled with for a while, though I've made considerable progress in it, so I thought maybe the word was for someone else. But I really asked myself if I have felt totally loved by God lately, completely sure that He loved and accepted me no matter what. I hesitated to answer an assured "Yes". That's when more tears came. Whether or not I was willing to address any feelings of doubt didn't matter at that moment, because God had used someone else to tell me.

When I really stop and remove the "Jesus loves me, this I know" record that has become rote after spinning in my head for years, contemplating that someone--let alone the Creator of the universe--loves me UNCONDITIONALLY is still something that astounds me. In fact, I don't think most Christians are astounded enough by this. Hearing for years in church, Sunday school, college and whatever other Christian environments I was in that "Jesus loves me" has become engrained in my mind, but not nearly as much in my heart. And how can it so easily be engrained there? There is nothing to model or relate God's love to. We call him "Heavenly Father" and attribute fatherly characteristics to Him, but our own fathers, whether we considered them good or not, fall short. All humans fall short, as they naturally will. No one loves us like God does so when I hear "unconditional", my mind may know what that means, but my heart still tries to catch up sometimes.

And knowing me so well, God showed me He loved me in a tailor-made way. First, He whispered to me through my women's group studying prayer and the verse about being assured that my prayers are answered--even if it's not the answer I'm looking for. Then, in the midst of a prayer meeting for someone else, I felt God's presence, love and power so strongly that it confirmed the verse I was learning this week. But to make sure I was truly listening and understood, God raised his whisper to a joyous shout when He spoke through someone else to tell me how much He loves me. It was not something in my head I could possibly dismiss. It was real. This does not mean I will not experience pain, doubt and struggle. I have experienced all these things in my Christian walk. But God knew I needed this now and since I was willing to listen, I can add this to my mental repertoire of times when I have unmistakably felt His hand.

This week was not just learning about God answering prayers but also about how He hears us. He hears me. And because he hears me and answers prayers when I ask in the authority of His name, that shows His amazing love. I have prayed in the past and recently to know and accept that God truly loves me. He has answered that prayer in various ways but was especially true to His word and undeniably answered me this week. I experienced the second half of John 16:24: "Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." Thank you, God, that I was able to receive you and thank you that you will ALWAYS be there to joyously complete me.