Fed, White and Blue: Are We Claiming Independence from Health?

I arrived at my parents' Palm Springs home to find some of the edibles we'll be bringing to a neighbor's barbecue on Saturday: two large cans of baked beans--one of which could double as a weapon or barbell weight--two tubs of potato salad, and some ribs.

While this may be usual barbecue fare, I don't know why Americans have become so accustomed to it that the presence of something natural, like fruits or vegetables, is foreign. And when it comes to holidays like July 4th, I understand we are celebrating freedom, but I'd also like the freedom to not have a coronary or have to work out for a week just to undo the garbage I've ingested from one meal.

Sure, I splurge. I actually plan on making the pictured American flag cake, which has sugar and fat. But is it un-American to also have some healthy options? I suggested making a salad to my dad and he said, "I don't know how healthy these people are." God forbid we remove the pitchfork of fat and chemicals from our mouths for one second to eat something that's delicious and nutritious. The two can co-exist, you know, contrary to whatever recipes for edible suicide Paula Deen is currently promoting. Dessert is usually considered to be what people splurge on, but most of the main dishes and snacks I'll encounter at this barbecue will have the calories, fat and/or sugar of a Boston Cream Pie. So it will be like a pie-eating contest. But no one really wins.

First of all, I don't understand potato salad or its sibling, pasta salad. I've never understood it. When a dish's main ingredient is mayonnaise, second only to the potatoes or pasta, it does not deserve to be called a salad. Only Americans could create a dish primarily of carbs and fat--something so opposite of what a traditional salad is--and then label it a salad. This isn't fine or unique cuisine from a high-end or authentic hole-in-the-wall restaurant, so ingesting hundreds of calories from a small serving of potatoes with mayonaisse is hardly worth it to me. I'm claiming independence from this faux "salad", thank you very much.

Baked beans seem harmless enough. They're high in protein and low in fat. Eureka! But not so fast. We Americans can't eat baked beans unless we add bacon and brown sugar. Mmmm. It's almost like a dessert, considering the 12 grams of sugar in half a cup. And who eats a half cup of anything? That serving size on ice cream is always comical to me, hence why I don't buy ice cream. I couldn't eat just half a cup.

I don't know the nutrition facts on ribs and I probably don't want to know. If I'm going to splurge on anything though, I'd rather indulge in a couple ribs than Potatoes a la Mayonnaise. If my good friend Chicken shows up to this barbecue, I'll probably be hanging with him most of the time. We've always had a healthy relationship.